Everything Has an Age Limit

Everything Has an Age Limit

 

 

There comes a time in every body's life we have to accept the fact we are older. With age comes letting go of the past. Like going past it's expiration's date, you need to throw away or at least put it up in a box to bring out later to share memories with your grand kids.

So what is it that needs to go to the attic as they say? Well, Carla is sounding off on this and hopefully some of you will catch my drift.

The first thing that needs to go is halter tops. Sorry, they are only good if you are pencil thin and have Heidi Klum's body or not past the age of twenty one, possibly twenty three, depending on how you are doing body wise. It irritates me to see these over weight, middle aged women putting on these halter tops thinking they are still young. It's nice to think you are young, but wearing your daughter's or grand daughter's halter top? Also tube tops are a no, no. Don't forget what comes with age. Whatever wasn't sagging before is now rushing to go south. We don't want to see it.

Makeup is great to hide the flaws that age has given us, but do you really think you need that eighties blue eye shadow, bright red lipstick or that bright blush? The answer is no. You have no idea how much you look like a clown coming down the street with all that bright stuff on, it's scary. Add the big teased hair and you definitely look like a clown.

Speaking of hair, big teased hair is out, unless you are trying to hide the balding spot on the top of your head. A good hairdresser knows a few tricks without making you look like you belong to the Happy Beehive Club. Color is an issue. Believe it or not the older we get, our hair color is not suppose to be the same as it was in your twenties. Hair color needs to be chosen carefully, not what looks good on the box, which means stay away from the coal black hair or the bright red you are fancying right about now.

That perfume you wore in high school is no longer in style and please don't go for that stuff that smells like baby powder with flowers, what we call old lady perfume. It may turn grandpa on, but guess what? The rest of us are suffering two isles over.

The casual dress you wore when you were a teen and got you the Most Best Dress award at high school, doesn't mean you should carry that style up into your older age. I'm referring to those ladies and men stuck with seventies polyester suits, sixties micro minis and the Madonna look. Don't you just hate it when someone who is dressed like this says, "Everything comes back into style." Obviously we haven't been reading the complete article in Cosmo when it said it has been reinvented.

I remember an old woman in our little community, Mrs. Green, she was about seventy at the time and she was a huge embarrassment. But in her little mind she was still Mrs. Robinson. Wearing the big hair, bright makeup and yes, those halter tops. I won't mention the Daisy Duke shorts that only showed her wrinkled legs, saggy ass and high heels to boot. Everybody in town used her in a joke and when Tammy Faye came on we weren't shocked as rest of America. In fact we thought Tammy was a little tame compared to Mrs. Green.

I remember how many times she went for the men in our little community. The women found it amusing as this little old lady flirted her way with their spouses, boyfriends, dads, brothers, and uncles. There was no age limit as well, ask some of the young boys who worked at our local grocery store (sorry Steve) who was honored to carry her groceries out to her old Buick. The woman, herself thought she was a cougar while the town saw her as a joke and harmless.

Recently however in my little town I am seeing more and more of these little ladies on the move. At first I thought it was just my little town, I was wrong. It's hitting all of the little towns of America. It's an epidemic! I'm here to tell you please, please control yourselves. Everything has an age limit and I wish you all would see it.

If you still want to dress this way after I have said you look embarrassing not only to yourself but to your family and friends, then I suggest you get with your significant other and play games in the bedroom. Everybody likes to play fantasies in the bedroom. Like, what character am I? Like I said there comes a time when age limit plays a part in our decision making as we get older and I think its high tide you think before you put on those things for everyday use.





Books by Carla Landreth
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=carla+landreth

Are We Having Fun Yet?

Picture this; my cousin, Becky and I have taken to an afternoon of fun at the local strip mall. Window shopping, which has become some what of a lost art. For those of you who don't know what that means, it means, you go into a store and don't buy a damn thing. You look, you touch, you put down and you walk out.

My daughter, George, needs something from Rue 21, a favorite among the teens and some adults as well. So we go in, while she searches for what she wants, we adults will browse around the store. I must make a quick note here, browsing for us is really playing around with the merchandise.

The store is unusually packed on this nice warm Saturday afternoon, but that doesn't stop Becky and me from doing our usual fun. We head over toward the jewelry, but not before we get caught by the panty bin. As we pick up some of the ridiculous panties, it is agreed, that only low class hookers would be wearing them and only if they were dead. We giggle, cracking jokes at the many things we see in this bin before finally making our way over to the jewelry.

The latest style however hasn't exactly hit a high note with us. The new style is owls and we cringe at the sight as everybody oohs and aahs over the latest fad.

That 70's craze that swept America and my Aunt Carolyn, has someway made its way back. My aunt was so obsessed with this craze she decorated her entire house with owls. The sad part, you go into her house to this day and owls still dominate the decor, talk about freaky.

So every time Becky and I see these owls, a blast from the past, we giggle and think of our aunt and her obsessive love for the fine feathered friends.

Today our jokes would be no different as we skimmed over the stuff. We are laughing, making little comments, some are clean, some are not so clean, but it's all in good fun. We keep them low and to ourselves but the laughter we have to share.

Now before I go any further with this story, let me say when Becky and I are hanging out together we have a blast. Don't get me wrong we know when to have fun and when to be on our best behavior. But overall expect fun when you hang out with us.

So Becky and I are having a blast. George normally keeps her distance from us, except today. This may have been a day she should have stayed away from us.

As we are laughing, having the time of our life, not caring what the world around us thinks, we are quickly approached by a serious woman, who asks us, have we been drinking?

Besides being stunned, we can't help but laugh, not only at the woman, but the entire situation. When we finally told her we haven't had a drop and that we were just having fun. We, however, got the impression she thought we were lying even though she said, "I wish I had that much energy." As the lady walked away we decided to go back to our fun despite being accused of public intoxication.

Later that night it occurred to me, that people now days have lost their spunk for fun. We were having so much fun and were so happy doing so, that nobody, not even a room full of people, could tell the difference between being drunk and being happy.

Now mind you we weren't being disruptive with our fun. In fact the oodles of teens and their nasty gossip were louder than us. We kept the jokes to ourselves except the laughing and you can't exactly muffle that when it's a good joke.

I have noticed that true fun, has disappeared in the population of America. If you don't believe me, next time you go to the mall, do some people watching, the conversations are tragic and scary. Not to mention the pouty people who had to drive to the mall and complain about the whole situation. Still not convinced, try Facebook and Twitter, more complaints than from a hooker having a slow day. Now don't get me wrong we all have fun to an extent, but the kind of fun I'm talking about is the kind of fun that is so exhilarating that when the day is over you don't forget it. Twenty years from now I'll remember the famous day of my false public intoxication.

So I got to wondering, who's the culprit here? What has caused us to lose our fun mechanism? With a little research I think I found what is interfering with this little gene we call fun.

Schedules--we all live by them, in fact that's how the world runs; on schedules. But have you ever thought that sometimes you need to throw the schedule out the window. Sure every Saturday morning you get up, clean your house, do the weekly shopping, come home, plop your butt in front of the TV and call it a day. Sounds fun but when you factor in you clean house for two hours, get ready to go shopping in ten minutes, then shop for three hours...you get my point here. We demand schedules which, is interfering with fun.

Pair Down--In our society today we are in so many activities that it's a wonder we can even think. I call this category stress burners. Every hour of our spare time is spent doing sport events, school events, church events, work events, no wonder nobody has time to let lose. Sure those things can be fun but once again I'm talking about absolute fun. I feel if you are being pulled in so many directions, perhaps it's time to cut back on those activities. Clutter free life is not only for the house but your social life as well.

Spontaneity--We certainly lack this in our life. When was the last time at the last minute you decided to change something? Like instead of going to the movies, go outside and visit with your neighbor instead. Pop over and get an ice cream cone just plain cone not some fancy stuff in a cup you always get at the local Dairy Queen. While remodeling the house, you suddenly abandon work and go off with your spouse and have wild sex. How about calling your boss and tell him your taking a personal day. Then do something total out of character. Spontaneity hardly exists these days we live by timed schedules.

Smile and laugh--People don't do this enough, hence forth why we are discussing this. I have discovered people who smile more have a better life in general and those who laugh more are happier. I know what you are saying, what is there to laugh about in this day and age? Well, if you got rid of the schedules every once in a while and pair down social obligations just a little and throw caution to the wind when it comes to your spontaneity, you would be smiling and laughing more.

Sure the co-worker in the next cubical may think you have cracked when you start laughing out loud when you think back of the unadulterated fun you had over the weekend, but who cares, you found fun. That poor schmuck had to endure his rigorous schedule, which includes, two hours of cleaning house, three hours of shopping, two school functions which ran two hours each, a baseball game that went into over time that made him late for the boring company picnic, a short conversation with the preacher that turned into thirty minutes, and listen to his in-laws complain how he cooked the hamburgers wrong because he was trying to beat the sun going down.

My brother, Jason once posted on his Facebook, "If life's a journey, then where are the rest stops?" My answer is quite simple. You make them with fun. You find this little gem and the rest of the world isn't so bad and the rest stops are more exciting.

So what does all it all mean? It means, in order to have this absolute fun I talk about, you have to toss the freaking schedule sometimes, disappoint a few obligations, do things on a whim every once and a while and smile and laugh you're way through it. That's pure fun.

Hey Becky, they are getting a shipment of drag queen shoes, should we go look at them?

    

   Books by Carla Landreth
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=carla+landreth

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=carla+landreth