Grandparents and Christmas Lights Don't Mix

When I was real young my maternal grandparents would have their evening meal called, supper. Afterwards, they would clean up and would go outside and sit on the lawn to watch the world relax and come to a close. Yes, many nights they sat outside until it was nearly ten o'clock then they would call it a night and get ready for bed. That was the schedule and as a child it was hard for me to understand why. Many times if it wasn't too hot, grandma took us walking and that was fun. But for me and my kid brother Jason, we would play outside not caring one bit what we did until it was bedtime.

Now when it became too cool or too wet to sit out, Grandma had another plan of action. We could watch television that was only in black and white. Not that I wasn't glad to see television, but frankly, watching Charlie Angels in black and white didn't do the show much good and frankly Lawrence Welk looked much older if you asked me. If you weren't into black and white television then there was a game of checkers. That was the only game grandma had besides jacks. Sometimes grandma re-read the paper. Depending on the weather, the radio was on instead of the television. But most of the time we sat outside enjoying the end of the day.

Well, one Christmas, my grandma wanted to get out and see the lights. You have to understand they never drove in the evening, unless something bad happened to a family member and had to go to the emergency room. They sat in lawn chairs on the lawn like slugs talking. Well, my grandma got the notion she wanted grandpa to take us all out in the green Mercury and look at the festivities of lights that bestowed the little town of De Leon, Texas.

Jason and I were so excited. It was a treat that grandma made such a suggestion now it was convincing grandpa to take us on this little excursion.

I don't know if it was grandma's firm voice or her nagging. But grandpa finally gave in, and said he would take us. So as soon as it became dark grandma bundled us up. She made sure we went to the bathroom and then she shuffled us off to the car.

Grandpa had already been out in the Mercury warming it up. He was wiping the window with his gloved hand so he could see out. In the older days, car heaters didn't defrost windows to well, so many old men and some ladies would use their gloves to wipe the window from the fog that would accumulate inside the vehicle.

We all piled into the car, my grandpa the designated driver may have had a license but I can guarantee you he didn't have insurance or possible brakes. Jason all bundled up like a blizzard had just hit De Leon, stood in the floor board of the car near the door, so he could look out the window while I was just as bundled up, and sat on my grandma's lap.

Now this is the point of the story I should explain for those of you who don't understand. As a child I could remember you could drive a car through town without insurance and no seat belt laws existed, much less the belts in the cars. By today's standards grandpa would be in jail.

As Jason and I were glued to the window, grandpa wasn't sure were to start. Well, Jason and I were connoisseurs of the town Christmas lights and we were more than eager to point the way for grandpa while he did the driving.

Grandpa drove slow as we told him where every house was located that we knew was lit up for the Christmas season. I really have to be honest, when I say this, I don't think my grandparents ever went looking at lights, I mean it. It was like leading the blind through town and children were the Seeing Eye dogs.

The reason I thought this was the fact every time we came to a house my grandpa would pull off the road into a ditch and stop and stare before moving on. Not like our father who only slowed down long enough to get a glimpse then move on like the rest of the world.

No sir-re bob, grandpa wanted to make sure grandma was happy and what better way than to pull into a ditch for which we could get stuck and look at lights.

We had so much fun. Even though Jason and I had seen the lights on a regular basis grandma and grandpa hadn't and they took their time which resulted in us seeing more than we thought existed on people's lawn.

My grandparents were getting in the spirit of things as grandma talked about the amazement of lights. We saw it all. Houses that were only red and green, some had all the colors of the rainbow, some had the lit up lawn moulds and others had Nativity scenes; those were grandma's favorite.

Now as we were getting close to downtown my grandpa made a comment that dealt with a bathroom break. This meant to me and Jason the ride was over, and it normally would have been. But my grandma having too much fun reminded grandpa she was always prepared for an emergency. That was one thing grandma was always ready for an emergency.

My grandma's purse was a Mary Poppins's bag. Meaning, my grandma had everything, including, band aids, tissues, gum, camphor phenique, her checks, a few family photos, Tums, (grandpa had to have them on a regular basis), peppermint candy, a Swiss army knife and this collapsible cup for drinking water. That was just her purse! She also kept a gallon of water in the back seat floor board for drinking along with a coffee can if you had to pee.

My grandpa was feeling one of those moments for the coffee can. As soon as grandpa got us down town grandpa stopped and let us get out so we could see the store fronts of big De Leon, Texas. While he went to the alley to do other as they say.

Lights and garland went across the main street, while lit garland trees, Santa's and stars hung off each light post in town. The store fronts were decorated as if we belonged to a big city. It seemed that even the empty buildings had something in them.

Town was beautiful with the Christmas spirit. My grandma took her time like an aging Queen Elizabeth clutching her black purse with both of her hands, pushing her glasses up to take a closer look at the store fronts. We knew she was window shopping as we walked along.

After we went up one side of the street, we went back down on the other side eventually meeting grandpa back in the Mercury. We again assumed our sitting positions and grandpa had us off searching again for Christmas lights.

We had followed Main Street and were near Higginbotham's funeral home, which was just on the edge of town, when suddenly out of now where there were some big blue and red flashing lights. Something Jason and I didn't recall before. My grandma too enthralled with the sights of Christmas said, "I don't know where those lights are, but they sure are bright and pretty."

My grandpa always had one saying, "I'll be John Brown." He never cursed at least not in front of us kids. It was always, "I'll be John Brown." You knew just by the way he said it, what was exactly wrong.

This time it wasn't his usual fluster tone nor was it his, I've had enough tone. This time is the worried tone. He informed grandma those aren't Christmas lights that were flashing, but the police behind them. I have to say at this point my grandpa could have pulled into the funeral home parking lot most people would have, to be off the highway. Not my grandpa; no. He drove about a quarter mile down the highway and what does he do? He pulls into a ditch!

If you live in a small town you know how this works, especially, during the old days. Everybody knew everybody and when the police came up to the car it was like gossiping more than getting scolding for whatever you did. This was no exception. Grandpa got out of the car, something you don't do now days and met the policeman on the street.

Jason and I watched from the seat as grandma did nothing but wondered what they did wrong. As we watched we saw grandpa in his khaki pants, plaid shirt, his cowboy hat and jacket. He talked briefly then the policeman walked grandpa back to the car. This was bad! They didn't do that in the past, unless something bad was happening.

Remember, I told you it was like catching up with old times. Well, the policeman's mother went to church with grandma and he had to pop his head in and said hi to grandma. I don't know why grandma never asked why we were pulled over. I figured she was worried she was going to be the talk of the church and left it at that.

It turned out that the tail light was out on the car and the officer told grandpa to get it fix in the morning and also gave us permission to continue looking at lights. That's what small town America use to be like. Now days, as I stated earlier grandpa would be in jail for the way we were in the car. A ticket with a hefty fine for the tail light would have been the least of his troubles.

As grandpa still in the spirit of things tried to assure grandma we were fine and could continue on with the lights. My grandma on the other hand, still embarrassed about the whole situation made it clear; fun time was over.

My grandparents never went out like that ever again. It wasn't until I was driving that we took them out to see the lights. Every year, me and Jason would load them up in one of our cars and show them around town. Until their death we took them to see Christmas lights in town.

For me and Jason that was a memory of our grandparents we would never forget. They tried something. Perhaps something they would have never tried if it hadn't been for us kids.



Books by Carla Landreth
   http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=carla+landreth

Grandma and the Red Light District

My grandmother and grandfather Montague lived for many years in this tiny little home down near the rail road tracks. Her mother lived next door for many years until her death. My Uncle Karl, who served his country in Vietnam and barely made it out, had been living with my grandparents since his arrival from the VA hospital.

Through the years my uncle had saved his money until he had enough to build a home. He built this home in a new district of town where new homes were being built and zoning was a requirement. Zoning meaning no trailer houses were permitted on any of the properties. Plus other zoning things, such as lawns had to be kept up, trash cans couldn't be left out for only so long. It was one of those, kind of neighborhoods. New and had rules as long as your arm to go with its newness. Of course those rules eventually went to the waist side as they say. Anyway once the house was built, my grandmother separated from my grandfather.

I don't know what really transpired, I could tell you a theory, but I won't. Let's just say it entailed many women. Mind you, my grandparents never divorced, just separated.

I know what you are saying if they were separated why didn't they just divorce? I always said it because of my grandma's religious background and frankly people her age weren't getting divorces like they do now.

Even though they were separated, he came to the house every Sunday for dinner as well as everyday for lunch and dinner. By night fall he would be back home away from her. Like I said, for a kid it was weird.

Anyway, many Christmases were spent in the new house on Apache Drive and my grandpa without fail always was around despite him being separated from grandma.

If I can recall the year, I was barely married when this incident occurred and nearly everyday I went to see my grandma and Uncle Karl. Now since my grandma had moved in the house with my Uncle Karl, she had to have some Christmas decorations.

She had bought these two candle stick moulds that she bought at a garage sale and placed them at the end of the sidewalk and plugged them in.

These little jewels were a treat, considering she did no lawn decorating before. Every night at dusk she would put them out, unless it rained then they stayed in the house by the door. But other wise they went out every night at the end of the sidewalk. Then about eight o'clock at night she would unplug them and bring them back into the house. The reasoning was she feared someone would steal them, which in my town could have been possible.

Anyway, she did this for many years but this particular year she wanted to bump up her decorating. When my grandma said she was going to bump up her decorating for Christmas, I figured she was going to buy more decorations to add to those nasty silk balls she had that had seen better days and that the homemade ornaments that had fallen apart would retire. No such luck.

Well, my grandma was in a festive spirit that year. She splurged a little more than usual on Christmas gifts and she did buy some more ornaments for the tree. But kept the same tree topper I made her when I was in second grade, a paper angel that had glitter on it.

One day I came by and she had the house all decorated up. The mantel was decorated with gold garland and little plastic Santa Clauses. The television stand had green garland on it. She had something that had been given to her, sitting on the top of the television that vaguely resembled a miniature tree. This year, even the bathrooms got festive as Santa Claus stood perched by the hand soap.

She was playing the radio which had some Christmas music, not much but some. She was busy sitting on the sofa working on her word puzzle. Not the cross word mind you, she did the jumble puzzle. It took her the better part of the morning to work on this little puzzle. Now in her defense it wasn't that she was dumb and took her a while to work the puzzle, but she worked off and on the puzzle, while she did her morning chores.

Anyway, I told grandma she was making the house look festive for the holiday season this year and my Uncle Karl blurted out a loud laugh. She didn't know what had gotten into him lately; he had been acting this way for sometime. She really thought he may have to go back to the VA's and see if his medications were too strong.

I didn't think much of it myself. My uncle would sometimes blurt out with laughter and the only reason was because he was thinking of something funny. I figured he was having one of his moments. My grandma on the other hand, thought if my uncle sneezed wrong there was a problem.

This particular time however she commented on how when grandpa came around, he too would laugh at certain times. She said she had checked to make sure nothing embarrassing was showing, meaning her dress caught in her underwear.

I had asked her did she ask them why they laughed and she said they didn't tell her why. They say nothing. She felt they were being pesky men and left it at that.

Well, the time had come for me and Jason to take her out to see the lights, by now grandpa had forgone the lights and my uncle was never really interested in them. But grandma was.

It so happened that night was really good, no moisture to speak of, so the roads were going to be great. My grandma quickly lugged the candle sticks one by one to the edge of the sidewalk and plugged them in. She plugged in the tree lights and marveled as it for a moment. Then my grandma got her coat, scarf and her famous black purse.

As we headed out the door she quickly noted she had to turn on the porch light. That's when my uncle and grandpa burst out laughing. I was beginning to think they both needed to go to the VA hospital.

When I walked out of the door, I was suddenly splashed with a bright red light coming from the porch light. Then I knew why my grandpa and uncle couldn't help but laugh when you mentioned Christmas much less turn on the lights.

Now for you young ones, that don't know this, there is one thing you can do with red lights at Christmas. You can put them on the lawn and your house. Nothing looks nicer than a house with nothing but red lights outlining your home. Some people change out clear accents lights that are in trees and flower beds to beautiful red, blue and green bulbs with it comes to the holiday season.

However, there is one cardinal rule we all follow, never, under any circumstance, do we put red light bulbs in our porch light. There is a reason for this. If you put a red light in the porch light you have just signaled yourself to be the local red light district and for you boys and girls who still don't get it; Grandma's house just became the local whore house.

Just the little red light in the porch light signals my grandma is open for business. Now I nearly fell over when I saw the reason why my uncle and grandpa laughed at her. And when they were laughing, I became embarrassed and grandma quickly pointed out, "See, they're laughing again. I wish I knew what was so funny."

I think Jason was about to die a thousand deaths himself when he saw the red porch light. He too was laughing. We finally told grandma why Uncle Karl and grandpa were laughing.

We kindly told her that the red light in a porch light meant the house was a lady of the night house. Well, viewing the Christmas lights in town had been abandoned. Quickly my grandma turned off the light and had the red light bulb quickly removed nearly burning her fingers in the process.

Jason told her she could do it in the morning and her response, "What if some comes in the middle of the night for an emergency and I turn that on. How embarrassing that will be. If it's a stranger and that light comes on they might get the wrong idea. I can only think what the Bunting's thinking or even the Landreth's (my in laws) across the street." Needless to say that light was going to be removed immediately.

The next day however that red light was replaced with a green light, of course grandma wanted to make sure that the green light had no ties to the ill fated community as they say. So instead of asking grandpa or one of us kids, she asked the poor young and unaware stock boy at the grocery store.

"Green light doesn't mean red light does it?" she asked him.

The young stock boy unaware of the situation looks at her confused and says. "I don' know. What do you mean, Mrs. Montague?"

Holding up the package with the green bulb grandma replied, "Green isn't stating that I am for sale sexually in my neighborhood or the town to be a matter of fact?"

Upon on The House Top. . . Who the H**l Left the Door Open!

One of my favorite times of the year was Christmas and still is. I have always loved the Christmas lights it was something that could entertain me for hours. I always loved to see what people came up with for their lawns and how sometimes just a simple strand of lights across the house could speak more than you realized.

When I was about four, my father had a Chevy Chevelle convertible. It was red and had black rag top. I remember that much, but can't remember what year the Chevelle was. I just remember he would say get in the Chevelle. You have to understand my father called all the cars by their models, no cute names like most of us do now.

It was that time of year when Christmas was just around the corner and my father decided one night we should go out and look at lights.

My mother was for the ride until she found my father taking the top down on the car. It was way too cold for us to have the top down and she made that clear, but my father made it clear that's how we were going.

My mother still upset, bundled us kids up, but not while mumbling hateful things about my father in the process. She then grabbed a quilt off the bed and her purse.

My mother helped us into the back seat then placed the quilt over us. It was bitter cold, I can remember that and even with the quilt that my mother tucked around us tightly, didn't deter this bitter cold snap. My father let out a few choice words, which caught my mother's attention.

My mother was so upset, that when she took us to the car, she had forgotten to turn off the lights in the house. She didn't forget to lock it; she just forgot to turn off all the lights. My father, furious took it upon himself to get out of the car and go back into the house and turn off the lights.

I must tell you that in the old days Christmas lights were a hazard to leave on when nobody was home, that and gas heaters. They were never to be left on unless someone was home, especially Christmas lights. It wasn't unusual as a child to hear somebody's house caught fire because of these two items; who loved to start a fire when nobody was home.

They aren't designed like they are now, cool burning and if there is a snag with one, like for example; a bulb goes out the rest stay lit. Nope in the old days the lights were not cool burning and they were only to stay on long enough to enjoy before you turned them off fearing you'd catch the tree on fire and burn the house down. If a bulb went out, they all went out. The guessing game was endless.

Now my mother didn't only forget the tree lights, but the house lights as well. So my father cursing and calling her names got out of the car and went back into the house.

Meanwhile mama still angry at him was making sure me and my kid brother, Jason was bundled up. I remember mama threatening to kick our father's butt while stating the fact, us kids were going to be sick from a death of pneumonia.

Upon my father's quick return, he had to once again, made a scene about the lights being left on. He finally calmed down long enough to start the car and begin our little excursion.

De Leon, Texas is a small town and they use to celebrate Christmas every year. Meaning most of the folks around town had lights up of some sort and if there weren't lights on the house they had their tree in the front window for the world to see. The town itself was decorated with metal Christmas trees that had been wrapped in garland and big lights that hung onto the street lamps that lined the town. Some didn't work but I guess that is why they had the garland on them to make them pretty for the holiday season.

The store fronts of DeLeon, Texas were something to see. It became a competition among the store owners to decorate their store from top to bottom with Christmas cheer. I'm sure if you didn't do some sort of decorating it would reflect your Christmas sales.

However, this was the 70's and the spirit had reached its peak as my father drove us through town. Jason and I were so excited looking at lights, but also freezing to death in the process.

My mother still upset over the fact we were driving with the top down, also bundled up freezing cold; didn't find the spirit as my father did. Who could blame her for being upset? Taking two small children out in the cold in a convertible with the top down and only coats and a quilt, possibly the only thing preventing us from taking a trip to the hospital with pneumonia, my mother was mad. I knew in the next few days, beginning with that night, Vicks salve was going to be rubbed all over our chest. That menthol smell would linger on us for days thanks to my father.

My father drove us through town at least four times. It was too much to see in one drag through town, as they say, because of all the store fronts decorated up.

Smith's Department Store was not only lit up, but his mannequins were in the latest fashion and in the Christmas spirit as well. Stores like Higginbotham's, who owned nearly a city block, had several displays, while stores such as Ronald Variety, Dabney Hardware and Montgomery Ward graced us with all sorts of Christmas spirit with their window displays.

Homes in town were just as elaborate with the Christmas cheer. Humsinger's fuchsia home was lit with matching lights, while Dr. Eisenrich’s home was lit up with traditional clear lights and wreaths and bows. Al Stranser may have had a home that looked like Tara from Gone with the Wind, but at Christmas was covered tastefully in red lights and big wreaths. Houses on Reynosa Street, one of the most popular neighborhoods at the time in De Leon, were all a glow as they say. Some had Nativity scenes, while others had Santa's. Some had them just a big tree in their big windows. This was a sight for a child to see.

During this little excursion that took two hours my father thought a soda from Dairy Treat would be a good idea. Now, yes, we had Dairy Queen and we also had a Dairy Treat. My father preferred Dairy Treat. My mother was fuming by now and wasn't enjoying the lights. Well, she wasn't in the first place but by now she was really upset.

I have to say by this time Jason and I were just about frozen like Popsicles under the quilt in layers of clothes and coats. Plus we were getting extremely tired from all of the excitement. It would have been nice though if my parents hadn't needled each other every chance they got.

Finally, after miles of lights, dozens of store fronts, hundred of Christmas trees and Vegas like homes, my father said it was time to go home. Something my mother was more than over-joyed about and frankly us kids couldn't wait to get home to warm up. We weren't looking forward to the Vick's salve, but a nice warm house was sure a welcome.

Upon arrival of our small home, our father parked the car under the little Hermosa tree. Something bad was about to occur.

My father quickly noted that he could have sworn he turned off the lights in the house. I wish I could say that it was a pleasant way he said it, like for example, "Hey kids, I wonder if Santa came by when we weren't home." Instead it was, "What the h**L. Those lights aren't supposed to be on damn it!"

My father said other things as my mother got us kids out of the car. At this point I have to say, I now know the theory behind the lights being on, but at the time I just feared for Santa's life.

As we approached the door my father squawked out more profane words. I must explain at this point why the commotion went a few degrees higher with my father. You see the door never really shut well unless you slammed it good. Apparently, Santa forgot that too.

Now I can only paraphrase what my father said and I cut out the more colorful words that were used. My father said yelling by now, "GD, what the h**L, if I see that SOB, I'm going to kick his ever loving fat a**." I told you he cursed a lot.

To add insult to injury to my father, my mother says calmly, almost mocking him, still mad we went looking at lights with the top down said, "Well, were we robbed?"

My father snapped like a twig and said, "How the h**l would I know. I haven't gone in yet, woman!"

My father went into the house and made another loud squawking sound, which caused my mother to think we had been robbed. Then my father, once again paraphrasing, "That little f****r, turned on the heater and left it on! That SOB!"

By now my mother has rushed in with us kids relieved we hadn't been robbed. However, somebody had been there. That big man in the red suit had came to our house. Santa, had came while we were out.

The tree was lit and underneath it was full of all sorts of presents. Jason and I knew we had been a good girl and boy to receive such. Of course we ended up opening up presents that night not our usual Christmas morning, another mistake Santa made.

Years later I would learn what exactly happened from my grandma. This is what happened.

Well, poor Santa (grandpa) came into a dark house he unlocked the door turned, on the lights to find the tree, unfortunately poor Santa needed to go to the little boy's room. So he turned on lights as he traveled through the house, forgetting to turn them off as he returned. He went to the kitchen for a glass of water and forgot the kitchen lights not because he found cookies sitting on the table, even though he did find those and ate them. He forgot the lights because he realized the table and chair set had to be put together. He wanted to make sure everything looked good under the tree so he turned on the lights to the tree to make sure it was okay and once again forgot to turn them off. But all the while the house was cold his arthritis was acting up so he turned on the heater. As for the door, well the dang thing hadn't been shutting right, but poor Santa (grandpa) was unaware of this. So he shut the door not thinking twice of what he had done. He got into his green Mercury, where his elf (grandma) not thinking too and said to her, "Now when Roy and Deborah get the kids in, they won't turn on the lights in the living room but in the kids room. The kids will probably be knocked out anyway. So they will never see the tree until the next morning."

We were lucky we weren't robbed.


Books by Carla Landreth
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=carla+landreth

Hello, My Name is Carla and I'm a Vegetarian

    
I'm doing laundry and have discovered some colorful size six panties. I believe they either belong to my eldest daughter, George or one of her college friends that have came and stayed for a while. In either case, they have been nicely laundered and put aside for my daughter to decide if they are hers or her friends. I usually have this same problem between my younger daughter, Marion and George when it comes to shirts and stuff they are close in size and when the older one gives the younger one a shirt I get confused. I put the under wear into a pile and go on with my merry business; laundry, cleaning and so forth. Hey, that's what mom's do; work.

This particular day my brother Jason is visiting. He always brings me the latest gossip from his work or his friends and of course he is just a hoot when he tells us one of his stories. He manages to make me laugh no matter how bad a situation is and believe me I have had some pretty low moments in my life. Today's visit however, would have me being the funny one. As soon as George comes home from school, (she commutes back and forth from college) I tell her I think I have her panties or one of her friends and that I have placed them in a pile for her to go over and sort. She quickly picks up the panties and frowns informing me that these panties are not hers or her friends, but mine! Now you're asking; how can you get your own panties confused with everybody else's? Well it's easy in my case. You see, I bought new panties the other day. I normally get the plain white ones with the extra panel in front (due to giving birth to ten pound babies I had to have that little extra support down there), but since my weight loss I thought a little color was in order and no more front panels anymore. My brother is laughing when I have realized that the panties I have threatened to burn if nobody claims them are actually mine.

Now how did I get to this place in my life where I'm buying smaller and more colorful underwear has been under fire from my family and friends and yes, acquaintances. But I have made my choice and felt today, I should explain my reason. Perhaps some of you will understand after you read this blog and stop and think of what I'm saying.

I have been asked by so many, what are you taking? You have lost a lot of weight and I want whatever it is you are taking. My polite answer is I'm not taking anything. I just found myself. Nobody believes you when you say that which is odd. Don't you think you can loose weight after finding yourself? Then I reveal that I'm vegetarian. Suddenly like a dramatic soap opera, oh that's dangerous or are you crazy you have to have meat, you need protein and iron. Boy here it comes. Some go on to say, no you aren't, I saw you eat hamburgers in the past. Yes, I did and now I don't. I wish I could say I just woke up one day and decided to become a vegetarian, but the truth in the matter is, it happened from a trip to California, where they actually eat healthy with fresh veggies, fresh fish and fresh fruit. But that wasn't the deciding factor. I do give credit however where it is due and that one person who held a mirror up in my face and made me think about myself. Yes, I became a vegetarian after meeting actor, writer, Dirk Benedict and reading his book Confessions of a Kamikaze Cowboy. I know you are rolling your eyes, thinking she's taking advice from a crazy washed up actor that does that weird macrobiotic diet. But hear me out before you judge.

After my husband died, I did what most parents do when left to pick up the pieces of a once happy home; I put all my energy into my kids. They needed me right now and I wasn't going to tank up on drugs to get through the day to do it. Even though several people commented on the fact I was walking the tight rope without a safety net in doing so. I made the choice to have a clear head to take care of my kids. I was going to pick myself up and put them first, which I did. Unfortunately I sort of lost who I was when I did that. At least that is what I thought. But after taking some time to examine my life in general, I found I have always put everybody ahead of me and yes, lost a little bit of me each time.

While I was in California I ate healthy for once. Not that I didn't before, but something about the veggie, fruit, fish diet was absolutely pleasing. I felt full at the end of the meal and breakfast was wonderful with all the fruit and whole grains presented to us. I already limited myself on any sort of caffeine drink; I could stay up for days if I drank too much so I usually stuck with water and my little alcoholic drink, hey its vacation.

Now after meeting Mr. Benedict and reading his book Confessions of a Kamikaze Cowboy in one night, and re-reading it on the way back home to Texas. I was gaining some information about myself. I quickly learned that I had to change myself and in doing so, I had to get control of my life. So where does one start with this new found information; my diet. Let's face it people the theory you are what you eat, is true. It all leads back to that so I started there. I could have chosen any diet plan as they say, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, everything baked diet, instead I went vegetarian not because I wanted to loose weight but because I wanted a healthier life in general. The other diets are only a temporary fix to my problem. I had to really think hard, do I really want to change myself? But beginning with my diet or shall I say the inside of a machine where all transformations take place would be my beginning. Once I established how I was going to eat, I stuck to it. Now with good food comes abundance of energy. What do you do with that excess energy you never had before? Every morning I wake up and smile at myself. Yes, that is the first smile of the day; myself. It's not vanity that causes this, it's the fact I see I'm healthier, happier and finally finding myself. Once I'm dressed I say to myself, (I take note from Mr. Benedict when I say this) Chew your rice. Drink your tea. Wear clothes. And everything else will take care of itself. I began taking thirty minutes in the morning to work out and another thirty minutes to walk in the evening. While most of you thank God at the end of the day, I thank him when I do my cooling down stretches on my yoga pad in the morning, where it is quiet and I am not disturbed or caring what the world has planned for me for the day. Changing my eating and adding exercise was the best thing for me. It gave me energy to finish projects around the house, it gave me strength to let go of my grief that had burden me so much. My family and friends slowly noticed the physical changes that were beginning to show but my mental and emotional changes were being seen more as well. I still had a few things I had to do with my life. Like letting go of negative people which I soon did and surrounded myself with positive people. Of course, I would also learn some positive people were not so positive people after all and they too would become obsolete in my life. The small things are small things and big things aren't so big after all, we just trick ourselves into thinking they are. With my attitude changing, my body getting healthy, my mind clearing up from the garbage that has been pumped in there by negative people, I had one more task to do. I went back to writing, which had my kids and the rest of the world thinking I had given up on. It's all slow going, but I would soon be typing a way every day. All this from a diet you ask? Yes.

No diet pills, no meat, no sugar, and no caffeine, just pure veggies and fruit. Yes, I have learned a few things about whole grains, brown rice, green teas, miso soup, beans, oatmeal, flax, and humus. Things, I was told was awful tasting wasn't bad at all. Sure there are some foods I'm not fond of but isn't that the way it is with any food? Now, not to say I still have a weakness for the occasional drink especially on vacation. But I follow my new eating habits. I made the choice to change my life so I could be a better mother, sister, cousin, friend and human being in general. Some have not liked the new changes I have put forth and have lashed out in ways you couldn't have fathomed. But that's okay. I have had great support from the ones who have supported my choice, especially my children and understand why I made a choice.

We all have to find ourselves eventually even after we have lost ourselves slowly over time. Eventually you will have to make a choice and discover yourself. So, when I look at the new panties I bought and know I have went from a size twelve jean down to a size eight. My tee shirts are mediums instead of extra large all because I found myself. I say screw those who criticize who I am. At least I'm not having the headaches anymore, heartburn episodes, insomnia, severe monthly cramps and acne problems. I have also noticed my allergies and sinus haven't been acting up and this season I haven't had a cold not even the crude that plagued the town. As my sister in law Paula said, "You eat healthy, no wonder you haven't got sick." I use to have to take Tylenol on a regular basis for of my legs. In the past few months I haven't taken anything for it because it no longer bothers me.

I always tell people; just because this type of lifestyle is for me, doesn't mean it's for you. But for me this type of life style works. I know some of you are asking what about your children? Surely you aren't making them do this. Even though my children have supported me and yes, they do eat some of the foods I have prepared, doesn't mean I have forced the poor things into my journey. They have also, along the way, have discovered a new taste for foods they didn't know existed and in the process finding themselves as well. My son, Stanton and his sister, Marion still eat meat and sugar, but not as much, as they too have slowly changed their eating habits. My eldest, George has adapted this life style and thoroughly enjoys the new found peace she has in her life.

Now that I have explained myself it's time to let those of you who think you know how dangerous being a vegetarian or macrobiotic diet isn't. It doesn't cause, blindness, sexual problems, acne, PMS, fertility problems, growth stunts, smaller boobs, arthritis, memory loss, dry skin, tooth decay or hair loss. I do get enough protein contrary to belief. I have energy, healthy energy and I won't be crashing after a little unlike you all who have to have the sugary Dr. Pepper or that third candy bar you are poking down your mouth. I have done without caffeine drinks that give you the jitters or headache after you have drank it or gives you that same pickup as the drink and candy I mentioned above. A good vegetarian is not pale and pasty believe it or not. I know I have seen some too, that look like that. But you have to remember, those are the ones that have not truly found themselves. Until then they won't be healthy inside or out.

According to statistics most American's will be severely obese and diabetic in the near future. With high blood pressure not going down and cancer not backing down either, don't you think fast foods, meat and sugar play a major factor in all of this? If you have it in your family history, listen up time to take control. Now, I'm not saying that becoming a vegetarian is going to make me disease free, but it sure will cut down my risk. Lots of veggies and fruits are more beneficial than you realize and if you don't believe me, you need to go back to health class.

So don't be so quick to judge a vegetarian or a macrobiotic. I don't say anything when you are chewing down on the big, medium rare done, New York steak. Why should you, be the one to tell me how I am eating is wrong? You could learn a thing or two from us.

As I said earlier I had to learn to find myself in order to change my whole being. Several factors play a part to make one whole thing: whole. I didn't become a vegetarian to loose weight; I became a vegetarian to help me become who I am now. It would be nice when the doctors put you on a low cholesterol diet or sugar free diet they would explain this to you. You have to change everything not just your diet. Some do tell you this, but for the most part they don't. If loosing weight is one of the side effects, oh well that means I'm getting healthy all around.

Hello, my name is Carla and I'm a vegetarian.

    

    

Santa Claus...

You know what time of year I am talking about right? It is Christmas time and yes this post is a little late, but it's a story I have to share. Each year millions of parents battle the stores to find the gifts that our children have bestowed upon us in a list to Santa Claus. We did it as children and our parents did it and so forth. Some parents go to extreme and then others a present or two is enough. At my house birthdays are a big deal and Christmas. That is about the only time you get any presents around here. My children don't get a whole lot during the year so I am one who will splurge more at Christmas. This year was not any different.

Like many parents the night before I'm dragging out all the presents I have hid from the kids minus the ones I put under the tree. Plus I have to remember where I placed some of them because I bought them earlier in the year, wrapped them up and stored them away. I go for the sales people so don't fault me for that. As I was saying every year I do this. I won't get to bed until 1 or 2 because the stockings have to be filled as well. Then before I go to bed I throw some packaged Christmas snow or what we call pixie dust on the presents. I try to be careful with this stuff because it's hard to get up even on wooden floors I will be vacuuming that stuff up for months. Hey, I have to make the little buggers think Santa is real some how. Then by morning the kids are in my bed wanting me up. We go in, open presents and you know the rest with food and such.

This was not to be any different. It seemed like I dragged stuff out forever. With the help of my twenty year old we got things done. Ah the tree looked so beautiful. The packages were all wrapped with coordinating paper, the first time I have ever done that. Bows put on so beautiful. I made sure the presents weren't just thrown around under the tree. They looked so perfect, like something you would see in a nice department store. Went to bed thinking we had done a good job.

The next morning, Christmas morning, no kids came into my room excited in fact the little ones were quiet. I just figured they were being nice to their mom and let her sleep in peace. After brushing my teeth and still in my pajamas I went into the den where all three of my kids were sitting on the sofa. Not excited as usual which concerned me. My ten year old son looked up at me and said, "Santa didn't come." I quickly checked my tree fearing I had been robbed in the night. But I wasn't, the presents where laid out like a department store had exploded into my house. Then I turned to the older two, two innocent sisters who didn't believe in Santa. Well the middle one would have, but the older one ruined that when she was barely three. As I was saying, I turned to those sisters of his and said, "What did you tell him?" The girls quickly denied anything. My son quickly defended them and said, "They didn't tell me anything. Santa didn't come because there's no pixie dust."

You got it. Carla had it all perfect except for one thing; the famous pixie dust. Thinking fast, I asked the kids how long have they been up? My ten year old looked at me with guilt then I screamed, "Everybody back in bed! Santa doesn't come if you are up before he gets here!" My son ran to his room, the girls dragged their feet as usual finding this whole thing ridiculous but know if they say anything to the contrary I will bing them.

As soon as they get to their prospective room I get the pixie dust out and toss it as fast as I can. I myself look like I have been hit by the pixie fairy as the dust went to flying. Time is wasting here. I shout out, "Oh Santa, that's fast!" Suddenly there is a cat fight outside the back door, but everybody is caught up in the moment that my son screams out, "He's here! I just heard him!" not realizing the cats are fighting. I yell very loudly, "What are you kids waiting for! Get in here!"

They all came running in, by now the girls are having a laugh at how their mother covered in pixie dust, is making things work. Remember when I said the tree look liked a department store had exploded, well the aftermath looked as if Vikings had came in and pilfered through it leaving only remnants of colorful paper, bows stripped of their delicate look and empty boxes.

Later after the day, when all the cooking is done, when all the family has left, I am back in my pajamas after a nice hot shower my two girls would tell me that was the best Christmas ever. How many moms do you know run around for the rest of the day with Pixie dust in her hair? Then my older one would say, "God I hope nobody poops pixie dust."




Books by Carla Landreth
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=carla+landreth

Whatever Happened to...?

Do you ask yourself that? Whatever happened to...I know I catch myself saying that more and more each day. Whatever happened to plain candy? Whatever happened to regular gas? Whatever happened to the picture show? Whatever happened to not having so many choices at the grocery store? My list could go on but I will stop with that. However there is one whatever happened that is on the top of my list.

Whatever happened to good movies and television? I'm not the only one asking this, so are most of American people. Whatever happened to shows like, Magnum PI, Fame, Hill Street Blues, A-Team, Simon and Simon, Dallas, Cosby Show, Falcon Crest, Battle Star Galactica and many more I can't name right off the top of my head because the list is too long. Whatever happened to movies like, Body Heat, Stripes, Out of Africa, Rambo, the list again could go on forever. Whatever happened has hit America, but nobody wants to speak up and tell what they really feel about; whatever happened to film making?

These shows faded when shows like twenty CSI's took over or ten Law and Orders bombarded the television or all the million reality shows that have invaded the television or all the computer generated movies that seem to be the rage. When they first came out they were great, but now I can't stand watching much television unless it's old re-runs of show from the past. Then I questioned myself why? Why is it I have to see re-runs of A-Team and Magnum PI?

Easy, the shows of by gone era were simple with easy to follow plot lines. They entertained us, didn't upset us or cause my local doctor to make his fortune off of me because of blood pressure problems due to the latest Housewives drama. The shows had symbolism, style, art, seduction, intimacy, mystery, laughter, and tears. Now I know what you are thinking, all shows have that now days. Yes, they do, but not on the same level as the older shows.

Sit down and think; why did you like the show Archie Bunker? Was it because the main character was a complete narrow minded bigoted jerk, where comedy was used to relieve the tension this character bestowed upon on television sets every week? Archie Bunker became a household name and to this day is talked about even though it's not on the air. Archie would be changing by the end of the show just a little not a whole lot but just a little. What about the Cosby Show? Why did you like it? Was it because it portrayed a middle class black family and we got a glimpse in how they have to cope with the world around them as parents of five children? Of course, these shows always had us thinking not handing the answer to us immediately. They gave us laughter and tears, all the while giving us food for thought while they entertained us. Today that isn't so much happening.

Political correctness; take hike! You know that television and movies are saturated with it. It's almost to the brink of censorship and you as American people don't even realize it. Here are examples of what I mean; I love watching Don Johnson's character sitting in his fancy car smoking and drinking as he plays Crockett or Harry in Hot Spot. I want to see Gerald McRaney as Rick tipping back a few beers with his brother while they investigate a case. I love seeing George Peppard and Dirk Benedict, pull out a cigar and smoke it while they plan their next move.

I want the real romance back. You know when you saw two characters go out on a date to eat, a kiss may have followed, not sex. The only characters to do such were characters like Abbey Ewing of Knots Landing or Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction, we called them bitchy sluts. They made the story move along. We hated to love these characters, but we did.

Children didn't get thrown into the plot line because they ran out of ideas. You know what I mean. Suddenly the main characters are pregnant or they have an illegitimate child, usually meaning they are grasping for ratings if you ask me. It used to be if children were involved, by the end of the show the child himself was a little wiser not guessing who's my daddy? Now days, it's the kid doing the leg work. Sad situation if you ask me.

As much as I love a good sex scene in anything; movie or television, I still love seeing Dirk Benedict kiss the women and tease them with his words. You figured he slept with most of the women he teased but there was an air of mystery that kept us guessing. Can you imagine Dirk Benedict having to do Faceman's womanizing ways on television today? First he would have to disrobe because let's face it, it's a code among them (Hollywood) that all television series that aren't about children require some nudity of some sort (exclude the bare chest of men). He also couldn't get away by being the one who makes the girls cry when he dumps them because they (certain people in society) have deemed characters with this kind of behavior bad and unacceptable, even though you can flip to any reality show and this happens all the time. I guess in make believe world we aren't aloud to have such characters. The difference is Faceman would let them down gently, breaking their hearts, but turning us on, unlike Snooki's boyfriend who got drunk, screwed her best friend, threw up from his drinking binge, then denied he ever did anything, all the while everything is on reality TV tape. How romantic.

Still don't believe me? Take the movie Avatar, made enough money to pay several people's doctor's bills. Well it wasn't enough for Mr. Cameron to leave his formula alone. So he decided to do something. He took the film re-put it out with the sex scenes. Can anybody guess what happened? It flopped. Tease us don't show us. There is a lack of intimacy among characters anymore. They go from point A to point B not learning a damn thing about each other. Our main characters are left out there until the ratings show they need a boost or be cancelled. Then let's throw in something dark from their past, like an illegitimate child. The art of film making is really gone. It's all computer generated with a computer generated price. Whatever happened to the location shots? Miami Vice was filmed in Miami not in a studio using computer graphics. Dallas was filmed in Dallas. Falcon Crest was filmed in California, Magnum PI in Hawaii. Very few shows are on location now days. Stunt men and women actually worked. They did stunts; very few stunts are used anymore since the dawn of the computer age.

I know some of you are asking well, don't you like any television? Yes, I love shows just like you; however I don't hold them as classics in twenty years. They will be just another show from the past.

Have you been in the local movie store or wherever movies are sold or rented? Do you know what is flying off the shelves? The old television shows and movies. America wants these shows because of what they stood for simple, clean, symbolism, style, seduction, art, sex, intimacy, flirting, laughter, tears and lots of mystery. I'm like the rest of America, we don't have to see all the blood and guts to get the jest he was shot or ate by a tiger. We don't have to see sex to know when two characters are kissing each other and end up on the bed still clothed that we know how it will end leave us wanting more please!

If there is one show that I feel follows the old formula of television and doing it really great at it is, Burn Notice. It's filmed on location, Miami Florida, you have stunts performed by stunt people and the characters keep us engrossed. Yes, we have a boozing and gambling Sam who womanizes, using women like tissues, but we still love him. A handsome hero, Michael, with problems, a woman, Fiona, who let's face it needs Michael. She maybe strong, but deep down she needs Michael (sorry you women who think women don't need men, we do) The air of mystery of the characters are there but you know them well enough to know they aren't going to spring a kid out of nowhere. There is intimacy between these three characters, there is style, art and yes, the characters learn a little more about themselves at the end of the show. They tease us, making us beg for more and that's what keeps this show going and fall into the classic category in the future. They are using the formula.

Now whatever happened to...?



Books by Carla Landreth
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=carla+landreth

Do Marriages Really Work?

With more than half of the Americans ending their marriage in divorce it has been brought to my attention do marriages really work? I have always been asked by many, how did you keep your husband for twenty three years? Technically my husband and I were married for nearly twenty years. I always count the three years of dating as a trial run as they say to see if we were compatible and we were of course. I can't say the marriage didn't have it's moments but we always worked through them. So after being asked several times since his death, how did you do it? I decided it was time for me to share a few secrets and opinions.

First and foremost marriage is not about sex. It plays a key role, but it is not the basis of a marriage and if you think it is, you need to walk right out the door right now and spare everybody while you have a chance. I am amazed at how many couples base their relationship on sex. If you don't believe me about how people have placed an importance on the sex part of their marriage, go to a little league game and just listen to the women chatter while little Timmy is playing ball. What they say would make a sailor blush with the constant talk of how their sex life is the only thing saving their marriage. Are you kidding? Sex definitely plays a part in the marriage, but for it to hold your marriage together? Children's school glue doesn't work if it gets wet does it? I rest my case.

Neither is money for the basis of a marriage. I don't care who has the money, the woman, the man, his parents, her parents; it's not a marriage if you can only see dollar signs. Don't get me wrong, having money to live comfortable is nice, but when the money starts drying up because of recession, is that the reason for the divorce? I know a cousin who will only date men with a certain income bracket and if they don't meet that standard she dumps them. Never mind she has been married too many times and is now alone. Not a pretty situation if you ask me.

Another culprit in the marriage failure department is; I thought I could change them. Really, are you that stupid to believe you can change dear old Jim Bob from his nightly drinking habits or his sitting on the couch in his underwear while picking his nose at the dinner table? Come on, reality check here. They were doing this long before they met you. Another thing I have found absolutely funny, you thought you could tweak him or her of just that one bad habit. Unless these people hit rock bottom of the nasty habit you want to tweak, nothing changes and besides who gave you the right to decide you had to change them.

Also, a quickie relationship without knowing full well who you are marrying is a bad idea. Whether it is a rebound relationship or just a quick couple of months from E-Harmony, nobody really wins with these kinds of relationships no matter how compatible you are and the ones that do are so rare it's not even real. There is a reason for dating.

Never, under any circumstance should you marry because everybody else is doing it. Please just because some of the world thinks everybody has to get married and procreate doesn't mean you have to. Forcing yourself to marry because that's what peer pressure told you is a real bad idea and usually ends with an affair and a divorce before it's over. Also don't marry with the expectations this person will grow on you. It doesn't work and somebody please tell Lifetime for women that.

Marriage is a balancing act. It really is. You give and take to each other. Noticed I said to each other. Accept the other for who they are and don't try to change them the moment you get married. Now I want to get one thing straight before we move forward. Marriage is about growth and yes with growth there comes changes, but the changes come on each other's terms not demands.

Remember marriage is about give and take, a mutual understanding between two people. If you can't even have this, what makes you think, sex, money, and changing one's habits is going to make it work? It's not.

Yes, I did have a great marriage and yes, we had rough spots, but we knew each other and the terms of the marriage. I think that is what held us together. Believe me we worked hard at it.

So you still ask the question Carla, how? We already know all of this. How did you do it? Well, I am going to tell you a little secret. It's not really a secret but with this world today it would be considered a secret. I have learned listening to your elders no matter how off the rocker they may seem, have something to say. We should listen to them because lets face it; they have been there and done that.

When I got married at eighteen my grandmother gave me three books. These books played a key role in my married life. What were the three books you ask? Well, the one book was a cook book, to which I still use to this day. It was very thick and has everything from A-Z including how to can my own veggies. Great book when you are first married because when you're young and not sure about the cooking world, this little book does the trick. The second book would be a helpful household guide. Yes, the thing looked to be a hundred, but I know how to remove stains, do laundry, and so forth. Removing water stains from wood is a cinch and how to fix a faucet; easy. Some of the information is now out of date, but the basics are there. The book was pretty good; it really became helpful later when I had kids. The third book, which at the time left me speechless, blushing and wondering just what was grandma thinking, was a book about sex.

Remember I said marriage is not based on sex, remember that! I bet you're confused now. I was at the time. Here, was my grandmother's, words of wisdom.

The cook book is so you can cook. One way to a man is his stomach whether he is a vegetarian or steak and potatoes man only. They have to eat. A clean house is guaranteed way to say hey, I have time to do some fun things when he gets home. If you can cook and keep a house clean he'll love it. The third is the most important. If you get bored with the same old, same old in the bedroom open that book and discover another position. That will definitely keep the marriage going.

So what does this mean? In short, you have to keep your marriage interesting not let it get boring. The leading cause of divorce is affairs and what causes affairs? People become bored at home. Yes, they love their spouse but with the same in and same out, home cooking as they say, it becomes rather boring. According to my husband he was usually excited to get home because he never knew what to expect. I wanted my marriage to work I never let it get stale. So I am giving America a little wisdom from my grandmother, marriages are give and take they have to balance and for God's sake never let it get boring!



Books by Carla Landreth
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=carla+landreth