Sleepless Nights and Clowns

I had no intentions of writing this but since my friend Andrea thought it was so hilarious and laughed so hard when I told her what happened to my toe, I thought, oh well, the rest of the world should get a giggle out of it. I'm sure my friend, Ted will since he is the culprit that introduced me to this whole thing.

As a child I loved clowns, they made me laugh. I especially loved the ones at the circus. How they would chase each other with a bucket, which I would think was full of water and then they would throw it at one of the clowns and it would hit the audience, turning out to be confetti. I also enjoyed them at birthday parties the things they could do with balloons were absolutely phenomenon. Ah childhood memories.

I never had a problem with clowns until recently. I must say I met a very nice man who is an actor/ stuntman and now friend. His name is Ted Alderman. I was total fascinated and intrigued by his work and the more he told me about his work, the more he drew me in. I watched several movies that starred him and have thoroughly enjoyed watching him perform. Yes, some are a little on the weird side, but that's what makes him an interesting person and has made me a huge fan of his.

But there's one movie he was in "Torment" which starred a clown as a serial killer. Scary movie and probably should have turned it off before I proceeded any further with this little horror flick. Especially, when the woman saw a black trash bag that look like it had somebody trying to get out of it. Now I am one who will watch a whole movie because, I support the artist in their works. No matter how bad the movie is I will watch it through. I may not ever watch it again but I will finish the movie. Believe me I have driven my cousin crazy forcing her to watch such films. The Last Mistress was quite interesting French film, sure you had to do a lot of reading but it was worth it. Hey, these people have worked hard they deserve to be seen. But when it comes to Ted and his friends I will be the first to admit; I will certainly stand in line to watch the film no matter how bad he thinks it is or anybody else thinks. Even if it's a freaky scary movie I will watch it.

The movie as I said is about a sadistic clown going around killing people. Starring my friend, Ted Alderman, as the handsome Sheriff Trembath and the beautiful Suzi Lorraine as Lauren, who is isolated at a river cottage with her husband played by Tom Stedham. The facial expression on this clown scares the hell out of me. He looks likes like Ronald McDonald from the dead, pumped up on crack with a nose that oddly reminds me of an old man's penis. I was flashed once at a nursing home if you're wondering how I compared the nose and penis thing.

Still I watched it and because of that little flick I now have issues with clowns.

What kind of issues? Well, now if I see anything with a clown I'm in for a sleepless night. It doesn't matter if the movie is a comedy, sad, melodrama or even a circus that comes to town. If it has a clown, I'm guaranteed a night of tossing and turning. I just can't sleep. A weird clown killing people enters my mind. The fear of a deranged clown going around killing people freaks me out. Do you know how real that is? A freaky clown shouldn't be bothering me, but it does. I'm a widow woman, home most of the time by myself with the fear a clown could be lurking about. Clowns; I shudder at the thought. This brings me to my little incident which involved this new fear.

Picture this; I had spent the whole day before preparing for the annual Memorial Day party which commences at my house every year without fail. I finally got the pool cleared, plants all planted, coolers cleaned ready for ice and drinks that will fill them, all lights are hung and checked. Trash cans with bags expecting the over flow of paper good items, all making my home ready for fun.

I had bought new tiki torches this year. Oh they are so beautiful, made out of colored glass and metal. These will last longer than wicker ones which caught fire a few days earlier. Lucky for me my cousin, Becky and my daughter, George Anne, were with the water hose putting them out before the dry lawn caught fire and burned down the neighborhood. Well, while I was out buying the new tiki torches, I found these cute totem poles which you can put tea candles in and their faces light up giving you that island affect. But anybody who knows Carla knows she's not into candles outside. Please, the tiki torches, literally on fire was almost too much excitement. So to be on the safe side I bought some solar lights. Slipped them in and bam all seven of the totem poles light up the pool deck steps in the dark. Along with the flamingos that light up in bright pink color, the pool deck with clear and blue lights and the swimming pool itself is bright from the light that is showing the bottom of the pool. Yes, Carla is party ready!

The party will go without incident. The pool is busy with splashing water and laughter, the grill is getting its first real workout, music playing, setting the party mood and Carla's entertaining. By late night the guest have left including my kids who are residents at the home. Yes, they went to stay at their friends house leaving me alone with Chloe, my little miniature pincher, who is spoiled rotten by me of course and has been in many recent adventures with me.

I decide I will clean up in the morning, too partied out. Right now I will go in, take a shower to remove the latest smell of chlorine and smoke from the grill and after that I will relax in front of the television, which I always do in the evenings and write a little before I call it a night.

Now about three o'clock in the morning, Chloe is in my bedroom whining, which means one thing. She needs to go out to do her business. Since the kids aren't home, guess who has to get out of bed, take her out to do her business? You guessed it, Carla.

So I slink out of bed, Chloe ahead of me jumping as we go to the door. I'm amazed she didn't pee with all the jumping. But as soon as I let her out my imagination takes over. The automatic light, that usual comes on when she steps out didn't this time and in fact didn't come on when I stepped out. So no full moon, and with a dog that is black you can guess I've lost her. I'm trying to hear for her tags on her collar, but I realize Marion had taken it off when she gave her a bath before she left. A tag less dog; great. As I am searching for Chloe, I see these two beady eyes at the pool that looks like those eyes of that damn clown in "Torment" and I freak out. I'm calling Chloe, in a low voice I might add. Since I can't find her immediately I go to the other side of the office where there is another back door and grab my broom. It hangs by the door and pursued to attack whatever is out there with two beady eyes, all the while still calling Chloe.

Of course as Carla gets closer to the deck she realizes that's it's not a freaky clown, but one of those damn totem poles that I put the solar lights in. Of course, I see them all when I approach the steps and realize all seven of them are staring at me; freaky looking little things. To make sure this little incident doesn't happen again, I go over and turn their head facing the back of the steps. Relieved it was just my imagination I call for Chloe but she doesn't respond. Instead we have decided to play a game of hide and seek. All I can think of is she's out behind the pool deck farting around.

So here I am half naked in my night shirt, a broom in my hand, calling for a dog name Chloe. But she doesn't come to me, so I figure it's time to turn on the pool lights. That usually brings her to me when I turn on the lights. I go to turn on the switch in the house, stump my toe on the way back, by hitting the deck in the dark which gave me a bad toe nail. I get to the back door which the light decides to work then and who is sleeping at the back door waiting for me; Chloe.

Now I know some of you are laughing finding this whole thing funny. You can just see paranoid Carla in her night shirt, calling for a little dog, thinking she has a demented clown on her pool deck ready to snatch her away, but it's not funny. I haven't been frightened like that since that time I was a child and I saw that horror flick about the frogs invading the world. It took me years to not fear frogs and still not a big fan of them.

So what has Carla learned from this, besides her imagination takes over easily. The next time I fear a clown in my backyard, I'm calling Ted up out of his nice, deep, slumber sleep. I don't care if it's one, two or even three in the morning. If I can't sleep why should the man who stars in really good horror flicks get to sleep and oh yeah, the dog, will just have to piss in the house!


Books by Carla Landreth
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